Thursday, October 21, 2004


We hardly knew ye, Reggie Newton

Over at, you'll see the host of this site making apologies hitther and tither (or is it thither?) about saying that Red Sox fans are masochists and this would all end badly for the Cubs of the American League.

Now, the Sox did record a major win last night, and they did indeed make MLB postseason history. No disputing that. But they're not winning this Series.

Keep in mind, folks, curses are painful. That's why the Red Sox are going to get shellacked by whoever wins the National League. I know it's not the popular thing to say. I know that everybody wants those lovable guys from Boston (they're cute, just like Damon and Affleck!) to just get over that hump and succeed. They wanted the Cubs to do it, too.

And while we're at it, they all wanted Macbeth to find away to escape the soldiers in Dunsinane wood, too. They wanted Achilles to find a way to not get hit in the ankle.

A curse is a curse, folks. And it comes with pain. Sure, you want Charlie Brown to kick the ball, but like death and taxes, it's painful and inevitable that he won't.

The Red Sox have been to the Series a few times - and each time (since the curse was hatched), they've lost in a painful, demoralizing way. Bucky Fucking Dent, for Christ's sake. Bill Buckner, for Christ's sake.

I hate to break it to you all . . . but something wicked this way comes for these men, for Boston, and for all of New England.

You'll say: "The Sox got past the Yankees! They came back from three down! They're over the curse!" Right. The people who launched that curse a few generations back are sitting back at the sports bar in hell, and they're cackling like a gaggle of witches. The curse sets you up. The curse lets you think you might finally have a victory. And then the curse takes its pound of flesh.

Look for the day that St. Louis knocks the team from Boston down to size and records its 10th Series win. Or look for Clemens to come back to Fenway (which could happen in Game 7) and knock his former masters out, giving the Astros their first championship.

It's going to happen. The curse is just letting you get your hopes up. It did it to you last year, too - with the Cubs and the Sox. Curses work. No matter how much you want it, Sox fans, it's not over. You might try and comfort yourselves - getting over the Yankees was a major hump. But it'll feel pretty small if there's no Series to go with it.

Double, double, toil and trouble . . . Fire burn and cauldron bubble.

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