Thursday, October 20, 2005


This is just freakin' sad . . .

I'm not even going to bitch about LOST today. I could. Seriously, this one might have been the worst ever. Bad, bad, bad. More stuff about how Sun and Jin met? Great. It's a bad sign when Jin's team up with Echo (the most language-challenged partnership since Frankenstein's monster met Tonto) is the most exciting thing going.

But anyway. No complaints. See you there next week.

But I do have something that provides me with a peculiar combination of rage and sadness. Oh yes.

It seems that a new reality television show is coming our way quite soon. This one is called Pros v. Joes, in which ordinary folks from around the country who don't have anything better to do but desperately want to be on TV (paging William Hung!) will compete in athletic contests against retired professional athletes.

It's not a good concept. It makes me sad. And so on.

But what makes it worse is the lineup of truly great athletes who have agreed to take part or even be regulars on this program. Seriously. Jerry Rice is going to be on. Bo Jackson. Herschel Walker. Randall Cunningham. Jim McMahon will be there for the Bears fans. Clyde Drexler.

Those guys were great in their day. Do they really need the cash? Should we be sending them a check for $40?

Look at the rest of this list:

Dominique Wilkins
Muggsy Bogues
Brandi Chastain
Tony Dorsett
Karl Malone

And that's not all! There are others, too. Seriously, guys, don't do it. You deserve dignity. You deserve pride.

Well, OK, maybe not Karl Malone. He's a punk ass pretender who folded in the playoffs every year the way the French fold in a World War. How come Stockton's numbers went up in the Finals and yours went down, Karl? Then moving to the Lakers and getting into a public tiff with Kobe . . . AAARGHHH.

But Goldberg? There are lines of dialogue in my film THE REST OF YOUR LIFE about that cat. Professional wrestler, sure, but reality show personality? And according to those commercials, Bo knew every sport ever (except hockey). You don't deserve this.

So yeah, Karl. Take the show. But Tony? Jerry? Randy? But the rest of you?

Say it isn't so.

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