Wednesday, January 25, 2006


An early Thursday post from your benevolent King in LA

Now that Our Man in LA has been elevated to Our King in LA (it's true! There's even a TV network named after him! Look at the earlier post if you don't believe me), he will have to leave some of the blog-writing duties to other members of the extended Wieland-Glazer family.

Pinch hitting for the King tonight is Our Woman in LA's father, Harold Glazer, otherwise known as Our Father-in-Law in Carolina. If you can, try to imagine the following in a deep, Brooklyn meets North Carolina accent. Trust me. It'll add to the experience.

Take it away, Harold:

"You all know that both Pamela and I love pets. We have had many pets that are no longer with us. Currently we have Bogart (the cat from Hell), Willie (the cat with no eyes), Barney (the screaming SOB bird) and Otis, man’s best friend.

But this vet shit is getting out of hand. I have to get a second job to support him.
I cant even begin to tell you the monies that we spend this last month on vet bills (not counting play school for Otis).

First, Willie the no eyed cat gets sick. He’s coughing, sneezing, etc. Go to the vet. Blood test-----meds------ $85.00

Then Bogart (the cat from Hell) stops eating and drinking. Off to the Vet. Blood Test. Results:
Heart mummer.
Kidney problems.
Some other shit I can't even pronounce.
Vet Bill - $385.00.
Plus… he has to take 3 meds a day and a special kidney diet.--- $3 a day (That’s $150.00 a month).

Then Otis gets sick.
First he gets something called a papalomia. Vet says probably nothing to worry about….but….lets take blood.
Bingo – that’s $85.00.
Then, this nothing papalomia (or however you spell it) has to be removed. $210.00.

A week later---he has something new. I think the vet said it’s a lick-a-roma.
Anyway, we got off easy - $115.00.

Now they tell us that all the animals need to have their teeth cleaned. If we don’t do it, they teeth will fall out, they will shit all over the house, the Norse gods that protect animals will land at our house and take our Capital One Card, etc.

So……………..We have to make a choice.

Let’s send that cat from hell in first. As you must already know, cats usually don’t keep their mouths open during this procedure………………………it costs an extra $45 to put him to sleep and then do the cleaning.

Now folks, I try to keep my oral hygiene up. I go to the dentist two times a year for a cleaning. They probe, scrape, brush, pick, etc. When I’m finished the dentist bill was $115.00. With that in mind……How the heck could the vet bill cost $145 for a cat dental cleaning. It cost more money to clean the cat’s teeth then mine.

Sure hope they don’t need braces."

Just so everyone knows, Our Man in LA, ahem, Our King in LA, has one rule, and he holds hard and firm with it. And that rule is that when all else fails, you blame it on the lick-a-roma.

Chris-ta-fer, you must give this man a regular spotlight! Awesome.

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