Wednesday, August 09, 2006


I know one guy who's not going to earn that Buckeye!

It's been a pretty good week here in LA, all things considered. Work's fine. The heat wave's over. Caught a rerun of HOUSE that I hadn't seen before last night. Even finished up an outline for a new script I'd been mulling over.

So honestly, I didn't have a lot on the shelf for today's Wednesday Bottom One.

Thank God for Maurice Clarett.

Clarett, a (cough) repeat offender (cough) on the Wednesday Bottom One, showed up in the news today after being arrested again by Columbus area police officers, and after generally making an ass out of himself. Even though Mo has pretty much been making an ass of himself since the end of Ohio State's national championship run in 2002, last night's melee with the police took the cake.

Why, you might ask?

Consider the following criteria:

1) Mo forced police to use Mace to control him, after a stun gun did nothing to deter him from freaking out.

2) Mo first attracted police attention when he made an illegal U-turn somewhere in downtown Columbus. He then led a multitude of police on a high speed chase onto I-70, perhaps hoping to escape to Our Man in LA's hometown of Dayton.

3) When caught, Mo's car was found to contain an assault rifle, three other handguns, and a half empty bottle of Vodka.

Or was it half full?

Nope. For Mo, right now, I'd say things are looking mostly empty.

Anyway, you can read about this more at the site below:

Now look, folks, as a fan of both Ohio State and the Cincinnati Bengals, I've long ago learned to keep my mouth shut whenever a figure in the world of sports finds himself or herself under the thumb of the law. But seriously, Mo Clarett has to be on track for some kind of record for speedy marginalization. He's gone from Sports Illustrated coverboy to ludicrous felon in less time than it would have taken him to take a few classes and earn degree.

Man, if there aren't a few jokes in that last statement.

Because I'm a completist - and because I had to run an errand this morning - I turned on the sports radio to listen to what folks had to say about Mo. Imagine my lack of surprise when a slew of Michigan and Miami (FL) fans called in and asked where Ohio State coach Jim Tressel was to support Mo in his time of criminal need.

Uh, dude. The guy had an assault rifle, three handguns, and a bottle of Vodka. I imagine Tressel was home with the door locked.

For that matter, hopefully everyone in Columbus was at home with the doors locked. Mo was on the loose.

Ah, Mo. Always good for a laugh. By the way, old Mo is already under indictment for two counts of aggravated robbery. How do you think this will affect his case? Will it help? No? It won't help? Not a little? No?


Here's Mo's legal counsel on the matter: "I'm shocked as everyone else is about the allegation. Obviously, he's a young man with a lot of weight on his shoulders."

Sounds like he's describing Clarrett's first week in prison. Hello! I'll be here all week, folks. Try the veal.

See you tomorrow.

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