Wednesday, November 01, 2006



Our Man in LA rarely goes political, just like he rarely reads the New York Times, rarely brings up the differences between a Santa Barbara Pinot Noir and an Oregon one, and rarely mentions anything to do with stock quotes.

It's not that I don't understand any of that stuff. It's not that it's so above me, subject matter wise. It's just that I'm more comfortable with stupid, trivial minutiae. Comic books, college football, movies, and good weather. See, that's my best stuff. Pretty much, those four subjects (and bitching about LOST, which no, I'm not watching anymore) take up most of the space in my head.

That's just how it works.

But today, I'm going for the political. Because my Wednesday Bottom One belongs to . . .

Yup. 2004 Presidential hopeful John Kerry.

Now don't get me wrong. I voted for this guy in '04, and I'd do it again four or five hundred times over. I'm a Democrat and a liberal, and even though I didn't think Kerry was the best choice for the job, he was my guy. And when I say he wasn't the best choice for the job, it's because I think that in our deeply divided nation, red America probably will not be quick to embrace a Massachusetts Democrat (which is code for "Kill 'em, Stewie!" in the southeast) who can't speak in simple sound bytes.

It's too bad, but that's the reality. He's not the kind of guy who moves NASCAR dads in Columbus, OH, or Raleigh, NC. Neither would I. But I'm not running.

I'm also not rehashing this because Kerry should have slaughtered Bush in the '04 election, nor because it looks like he's going to try and throw his hat in the ring again.

I'm also not on Kerry's case because I think he should apologize to our troops in Iraq. That's ridiculous. But that's related to my issue.

If you don't know about this situation, here's an updated CNN report where you can read all about it:

Basically, at Pasadena City College on Monday, Kerry said the following:

"You know, education -- if you make the most of it, you study hard and you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well.

"If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

And the Republicans celebrated! Oh, how they danced! "Kerry should be ashamed of himself," blah, blah, blah. "He insulted our brave men and women!" Blah, blah, blah. "He's a monster and a traitor who would probably like to see Saddam Hussein blow up New York like on September 11!"

OK, I made the last quote up. It was more implied. Anyhow, the Red America found themselves incensed at the idea that our military forces are not highly educated.

And yeah, I know Saddam didn't have anything to do with 9/11. It's just - it was hyperbole, and half the country thinks he did. And no, not the half that believes that online movie about the Pentagon being hit by missiles . . . it's the other half, and . . .

Sorry. Got way off course there. Back to the Bottom One.

Kerry's response? "But that's not what I meant. Of course those soldiers are smart men and women. What I meant to say was:

"I can't overstress the importance of a great education. Do you know where you end up if you don't study, if you aren't smart, if you're intellectually lazy? You end up getting us stuck in a war in Iraq."

See that?! Whoa, get it!?! It's a dis on Bush! Holy Guacamole! See, Bush is intellectually lazy and . . .

And he got us . . . stuck . . .

In Iraq . . . in a war.

Not funny, is it? No. Not really. It's kind of obvious, actually. And it's really poorly phrased, even the way it was intended.

It's kind of . . . lame. I mean, doesn't he have better ammo to heave at Bush than this? Really? And how much do you want to bet that half of America doesn't get it either way? Yeah, I wouldn't take that bet, either.

Sorry, John. For what it's worth, I still wish you were president. Sigh.

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