The picture really says it all, doesn't it?

Last night, Our Woman in LA and I watched the season premiere of AMERICAN IDOL, a show we both don't much like but can't turn away from. Like a 16-car pile-up on the Interstate.

And there's no question, it had to be my Wednesday Bottom One.

I don't know what it is that I found most troubling about last night. Was it:

* Simon's creepy catchphrase "You're through, kid!" to prospective female idols, said with a tone that can only be described as the way pornographers sound when they lead teenage runaways to the casting couch?

* Randy's incessant use of the word "dog" as a term of endearment?

* Paula's haze from one too many appletinis the night before?

* The sad state of America when our citizens will drop everything resembling any kind of dignity just for the slim chance of getting on national television? That they'll face the kind of humiliation that usually passes for torture in other countries so that they can be derided at work or at school the next day?

* The kid in this picture, who's a singer, dancer and juggler?

* That poor, sad girl who imitates the Lion from Wizard of Oz? I mean, reallly, dude.

* Or is it master of schlocky ceremonies Ryan Seacrest, who tries to pretend that he's sensitive to the plight of pimply 16-year-olds who just had their egos demolished by the three judges, and who are crying on national TV, making it almost a lock that they will be beaten and swirlied at the high school on Monday? And meanwhile, Seacrest can barely keep from laughing?


It's a hard thing to pick. I'm going with Seacrest for now.

So . . . who's watching tonight?