All right, guys. Last week, Our Woman in LA and I had an influx of in-laws come out to the Left Coast to see FREEDOM BOUND, the show that she directed for City at Peace - Los Angeles. It was a good time, full of good food, fine wine, and, of course, an opportunity to hear about how liberal I am.

This is nothing new, of course. I'm pretty well aware of how liberal I am. And I know that it can be annoying to check in for another Our Man in LA posting, just to hear me spout off about something political. Shouldn't I be talking about Paris Hilton? What about that last episode of THE SOPRANOS? Didn't it suck?

Not today. Maybe tomorrow. Seriously. Maybe tomorrow.

But today, we're having the first-ever Our Man in LA Conservative Challenge. Here's the sitch --

You might have seen one of those Republican debates a couple of weeks back, where three of the potential candidates for the GOP Presidential nomination volunteered on national TV that they don't believe in evolution. To my sensibilities, that's sort of like being the first grader who admits that he likes to eat paste.

But apparently not.

According to a Gallup Poll released in the last couple of days, Americans don't generally believe in evolution like I thought they did. Check out these numbers:

* Dems — 57% believe in evolution, 40% do not

* Independents — 61% believe in evolution, 37% do not

* Republicans — 30% believe in evolution, 68% do not

And 25 percent say they believe in both evolution and creationism. By which, I hope they mean that they believe in God and evolution, but I really don't know.

This sort of thing makes me crazy, mostly because I feel like I'm at a place in American history where our country is bitterly divided, and it's not possible for one side to understand the other. Which brings me to the nitty gritty of the challenge.

I don't think we can have meaningful conversation about the direction of this country unless we understand each other. And I don't understand the country's arch-conservatives. I invite anyone - ANYONE - to write in and explain to me how they believe any of the following:

1) That evolution is a myth, or at the very least a theory no less supported than creationism. Anyone who believes the world is 6,000 years old or that man and dinosaurs lived together is invited to explain this to me. Seriously. No joke.

2) That we as a country would really be better off with less gun control than what we have now. I read a columnist online who suggested that the Virginia Tech massacre wouldn't have happened if we had fewer gun controls in the US. His reasoning was that if more people were packing heat, that fewer violent criminals would do anything less than law-abiding. Really? Explain this to me. Seriously. No joke.

3) That global warming is not caused by carbon emissions, and that it's a theory put out there to discredit the oil companies and steal money from big business. Or something. Seriously. No joke. Explain it to me.

4) That Iraq is working. Or that Al Qaeda and Saddam were linked at all. Seriously. No joke.

5) BONUS FOR THE LIBERALS! If you believe, like Charlie Sheen and Rosie O'Donnell, that the Bush administration engineered 9/11, I'd welcome learning more. Seriously. Explain it to me. Probably no jokes.

I'm not interested in hearing from people who just happen to be pro-life, or who just think that Democrats raise too many taxes and believe in big government. I understand. We disagree, but I get it. If you think all politicians are liars, I understand that point of view, too.

In exchange, I'm happy to explain any strange liberal opinions I have - about the War, the environment, evolution, and so on. I'll probably do it anyway, but I'm happy to schedule something special.

Just let me know.