Friday, September 21, 2007


Oh, Ohio: Another Travel Journal to an Exotic Locale

Hey, folks. Our Woman in L.A. and I recently returned from a trip to Ohio to visit Our Man in L.A.'s mom. We were there for a couple of days. Now, I know what you're thinking.

You're thinking, "But Our Man in LA, just a couple of days in Ohio? You can't possibly do Ohio in a couple of days! The flats in Cleveland! The Horse Shoe in Columbus! The Air Force Museum and the blue suspension bridge from RAIN MAN! So many points of interest!"

Dayton by night. Ah, the Gem City.

Birthplace of the cash register, the airplane, the automobile self-starter, microfiche, water-proof cellophane, and gas masks. Setting of the first NFL game and the first pinewood derby.

Blogger's note to Ohioans reading this: Sorry if it feels like I'm picking on you. Yes, I know that Ohio is the birthplace of more Presidents than any other state. No comment on how good any of them were. And I know the Wright Brothers are from Dayton. Seriously, I get it. I don't mean to pick. Anyway, it's not like I wouldn't pick on any number of other states if I visited there. I mean, come on. Have you ever been to Arkansas? Or southern Illinois? Holy smokes.

But you still don't have an ocean or mountains.

Anyway, back to the travelogue. A couple of things I want to point out from our travels.

We had to rent a car for our stay, and man, did our rental car company hook us up. They gave us a Mercury Grand Marquis. Now, I don't mean to offend anyone out there, but have you seen these cars? They are hilarious. Why didn't we just get a different one you ask? Well, for one, the only other option available was a mini-van. Tempting as that was, we opted for the Mercury.

Seriously, this is what it looked like. Same color and everything. And navy blue shag-a-rific carpeting and seats inside. Dude, you step into this car, and you feel like you're ready to move to Florida. I think the white shoes and matching belt set come optional.

We flew into Columbus and then drove to Dayton. It's about a 70 mile journey through the heart of central Ohio. Along the way, we were quickly reminded that we were not in California anymore. No, it wasn't the weather. It wasn't even the plethora of Cracker Barrels or Waffle House restaraunts.

It was stuff like this . . .

Sorry for the wide-angle view. We didn't take this picture. (I know, I know. "You didn't take your camera to DAYTON?? Sorry, guys . . .)

Just in case you forgot your reading glasses, it's a gigantic roadside billboard that reads "JESUS IS REAL". If you click on the photo, you can see it better.


Then, as if to top that one - or to be its friend, we saw another gigantic sign about a mile further down.


Do you think the question's meant to be rhetorical? Because 15 miles east of Springfield, OH, would not be Our Man in LA's first choice. I mean, even Our Man in LA's hometown of Kettering might be better for time immemorial.

Cause . . . you know, they've got a mall there. With a Bar Louie and a Border's. And . . . movie theaters . . .

I'm being snotty again, aren't I? Sorry. My bad.

On the surface it looks like Ohio kind of blows that boring Hawaii out of the water. That was a bit surprising. But come on, that nighttime shot of the Dayton skyline reminds me of every NBA Final pregame shot ever done. Fantastic!

As for those signs along the side of the road: at least it shows that those Ohioians care! Unfortunately, if you end up in Hell, it very well might be in the town next to that sign. Oh, the Hellish irony!!
You're mailing it in...
my favorite line of this post:

"Dude, you step into this car, and you feel like you're ready to move to Florida."

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